SOME PEOPLE LOVE WHAT YOU DO FOR THEM, NOT WHO YOU ARE

One of the hardest things to accept is that somebody can be attached to you without actually valuing you.

They value the rides. The money. The connections. The favors. The emotional support. The place to stay. The audience. The problem-solving.

Then one day you stop doing as much and the whole relationship changes.

PAY ATTENTION TO WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU SAY NO

“No” is one of the fastest relationship tests in the world.

A person who values you might be disappointed, but they can respect it.

A person who values access may punish you for it.

Now you are selfish. Fake. Acting different. Too busy. Too good for everybody.

That reaction tells you something.

OVER-GIVING CAN HIDE THE TRUTH

If you are always the one paying, fixing, calling, checking in, planning, forgiving, and carrying, you may never find out what the other person actually contributes.

You are doing so much work that the relationship has no chance to reveal its real balance.

Pull back a little.

Not as a game. Not to manipulate anybody. Just stop doing more than your share.

Watch what happens.

BEING NEEDED IS NOT THE SAME AS BEING LOVED

This one catches a lot of people.

Being needed can make you feel important.

Everybody calls you. Everybody comes to you. Everybody has a problem only you can solve.

That can feel like love when really you became the emergency contact for everybody’s bad decisions.

Love should also include concern for you.

Do they ask how you are? Do they show up when you cannot offer anything? Do they celebrate you when they are not benefiting?

STOP AUDITIONING FOR PEOPLE WHO ALREADY KNOW YOUR VALUE

You do not have to keep proving you are good people.

If you have shown up consistently and somebody still only respects you when you are useful, more giving is probably not going to fix it.

Sometimes the answer is less access.

REAL RELATIONSHIPS CAN HANDLE BALANCE

You should be able to have a bad month.

You should be able to need help.

You should be able to say no.

You should be able to focus on yourself without the whole relationship collapsing.

That is how you know the connection is with you, not just your resources.

Do not measure love by how many people need you. Measure it by who still values you when you have nothing to provide.

For more relationship lessons, check out the PLAP LIFE guides and the PLAP LIFE Chronicles.